Wednesday, January 2, 2019

2019: The Year of Go.


“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

*****************************

GO.
I have decided that my word for 2019 is GO. 
2018: Focus.
2017: Authentic.
2016: Fearless.

I knew several months back that I wanted my word to be GO. At first, I was thinking of the word "Yes!" But when I look at the word "Yes," I thought it was more of an answer to a question; a question I wasn't sure I was asking. More specifically, should I say, I didn't know WHAT I was asking and so I thought yes wasn't a good word to use. Maybe you have chosen the word "Yes" for 2019, and maybe you are looking at it as saying more yes then no. That's great! Go for it! Say Yes! As for me, I thought GO was more of honest word use and I believe I will get more out of it this year.

In late 2018 I got the words "Keep Going" tattooed on my wrist, for a few different reasons that maybe I'll share one day; but for now, it's staying personal. Anyways, the statement means a few different things for me so I thought I would share one since it does play a part in my decision to make GO my word of the year. I won't drag it out, Let's cut to the real shit...

Building a clientele as a new and upcoming Cosmetologist sucks. It really does. I now understand why the educators told us that more than 1/2 of us wouldn't make it in the industry and that most of us would get pissed off, burnt out, and sick of not having money. And as I can see so far, that is completely true. Not many of us are still working as Cosmetologist. So there I was, sitting in my car after a hard day, feeling angry and bitching into my Iced Vanilla Chai, and thinking "Did I seriously spend $21,000 on school for this shit?" and I was about to walk back into the salon, grab all my stuff, throw half of it in the dumpster behind our building, and never walk back in. But then, I received a text from a client who wanted to make an appointment. and the words "Keep Going" jumped out of my mouth. *deep breath* Nearly 7 1/2 months after that moment, I am still here, still booking clients and working. Slowly. Like a fuckin turtle climbing up a hill in the snow. But I'm doing it. I am the little goddamn cosmo that could. and would. and should. Shit, I guess I'm Dr. Suess now too. Adding that to my resume currently. 

Ashlee is a Professional Hairstylist + Makeup Artist, Book her for all your special event needs. Her talents include braids, contouring, smokey eyes, and she rhymes pretty well too. I'm a jack of all trades!!

If I know anything it's this: We are too hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up day after day and wonder why we are never good enough. In any aspect. We are our worst critics. It's true. We are the first ones to say "You Suck," to ourselves and the first ones to say we can't do something. I am such a bully to myself with this one. Can't. It's my word. It always has been. I can't. I can't. Time after time like throwing a ball against a brick wall, I have sung the words "I can't." and I've given up. Thrown in the towel and walked away. But 2018 reminded me that, I'm right, I CAN'T... I Can't Give Up! and you shouldn't either. I don't know what asshole wrote the rulebook on giving up, but screw that guy, why do I let him tell me what I can and cannot do. Am I Right? Of Course, I am! 

One night, in particular, I was doing some meditation and writing out my intentions for the next month. I was meditating on my life's path and my purpose. I have felt stuck. My family all uprooted and left California and I'm miserable here. After they left and our family home sold, I had a sense that I was lost. and I asked, "Where do I go from here?" Of course, I know there are reasons that husband of mine and I should stay in California, but at the same time, none of them seem like good enough reasons anymore. They just seem like excuses. Excuses we've built a wall with out of fear and "I can't."  As I was having this discussion with myself about my path, I was pulling some Oracle cards. The card I pulled dropped me to my knees. All it said was "GO" - and that was it. No explanation needed. I fell to my floor and sobbed. and I remember screaming into my hands "But I don't know where to go. Where am I supposed to be? God, please. Where do you need me." and once again, the words dropped from my mouth like God was speaking through me...Keep Going! and that was that. That's all I got. No Answers. No Explanation. Just Go and Keep Going. 

And so, that's why I chose my word of 2019 to be GO. and to remind myself that it doesn't matter where I go as long as I just keep going there. We will never know our destination. We will never fully understand where we are going and why we need to be there. But, with some weird-ass comfort over us. We just Go. and we Do it. Our story isn't in the destination. It's in the journey. and I'm going to write more of mine, whatever that is, all I have to do this year is Keep Going. Nothing More, Nothing Less. and that's all she wrote folks!! Happy New Year!



Instagram: @ash_felkner || Twitter: @ashleefelkner