Monday, December 10, 2018

Anxiety, I know how you feel.


Anxiety, I know how you feel. We are no strangers, You and I. 

You're a heavy feeling, Anxiety. Like a bag of bricks, you can never set down. Instead, you are forced to push on down the road before you; all the while moving slowly so your aching bones don't turn to dust. 

Bones; aching so deeply that your skin doesn't even feel like a shield and your organs are holding on tightly to the oxygen surrounding them just in case you need to gasp for air - and you'll need to gasp for air. It's like climbing out of bed on a cold winters morning, frozen. You feel every corner of your body twisting and turning until you can't move. Are you cold? or just hurting? Both. Like falling through frozen ice into a lake of swords just crippling every nerve and cell until you're breathless. 

Breathless. Is that oxygen still there in your lungs? Your brain has now gone stale. You have no more control of your body and thus your thoughts. 

Thoughts. Anxiety has many thoughts. Your organs are failing, you have cancer, you're going to die of natural causes. You won't live to see your next birthday or ever achieve your dreams. Just a few of the many thoughts anxiety hands to you like a gift on Christmas morning. 

Morning. You are just waiting for the next day to come, praying that it won't be hard like this one. All you want to do is sleep in hopes that you'll get some peace and quiet. 

Quiet. Anxiety doesn't like quiet. Instead, she yells like a train whistle flying by at night rattling your bed and making her presence known like the monster hiding amongst the shadows of your darkened room. And while she yells, you yell back just crying for a moment to catch your breath.

Breath. You catch it. That oxygen is still there in your lungs. You wouldn't have made it this far if it was gone. You close your eyes, inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8. You listen to the sound of your breath and you feel your chest rising and falling with every move. 

Move. Keep moving forward. I know you are tired and feel as if there is no energy left in your body.

Body. It is yours, you own it. No person or thing, such as anxiety, and control your body but you. 

You. You can do this Brave Warrior. Keep Going. The road appears so dampened and long like you will never make it to the other side because your legs are getting tired and your back is starting to ache. But you are so much closer then you were yesterday and the weight will begin to not feel as heavy; you are getting stronger.

Stronger. With every single day you wake up, you are getting stronger and that bag of bricks gets easier to carry. Not every day will be easy and not every night will be full of rest. But, there you are getting stronger. The pressure is being lifted off your shoulders and your once shaken bones are transforming back into the structure of your being. 

Being. Present, Existence, Life, Reality. Be. The essence of a Person. Here you are, surviving, here you are living. Here you are Being. Here you are Feeling. 

Feeling. Anxiety, I know how you feel. We are no strangers, You and I. 

I. Hello Ashlee, Nice to see you. 

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