Friday, January 5, 2018

7 Lessons in 7 Years

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. " 1 Corinthians 3:4-8

I like to celebrate the small things. Just ask Speedracer and he will tell you I know the date to every little thing within our relationship, down to the day we first held hands. And I like to celebrate it. I was 20 when we first began to date. It was 1-1-11 when he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and although we now have a wedding date to celebrate each year, I like to get sentimental when the 1st of the year comes around and celebrate how long we have been together. 7 Years. That's what this year marks. And just like the good, young folk we are, we stayed up on the 31st until midnight watching Shameless and eating Ice cream. We barely made it. We crawled into bed at 11:55pm, patiently waited til midnight, said "Happy New Year! Happy Anniversary!" and then within 5 minutes we were both passed out. The amount of party animals we are is scary. Obvi.

Every Year we find ourselves asking each other "Seriously? Another Year already?" in shock with not only how time is flying by, but how how we been together yet another year. People keep telling us relationships are hard. They told us our 1st Year of Marriage would be the hardest and we laughed the day of and thought "That was Cake."...I'm starting to think people are over-thinking this whole Love thing because in our opinion, if it doesn't come easy, you're doing it wrong. So we must be doing something right. 7 Years. No "Breaks," We don't believe in using the "D" word when it comes to marriage (even as a joke), No taking a night off to think about things, No throwing things. That's one thing we told each other from the beginning, if it ever came to be over, it's over. No Breaks. No Time to Think. and it had to be over before we got married or we had to suck it up and learn how to communicate. I'm glad we've learned to communicate over the years...Cause, I kinda like my SR. A lot.

SR & I will with both agree, when it comes to relationships, we are both very difficult people to be in a relationship with. We are both hard headed and stubborn, we both have to have the last word, we both have to be right, we are super needy but also independent. But, we've learned a few things over the last 7 Years. So I thought I'd share them with you.

1. Don't Give Ultimatums. 
I feel like this should just be a common sense thing in a relationship, but to my surprise, a lot of breakups are because someone gave the other person an ultimatum they had to pick between. Question: Why are you giving your significant other an option? Your Vows were not an ultimatum. There was no "I will love you if you love me back." There is no IF in marriage. In my experience, ultimatums result in disappointment and statements you didn't mean to say. It will only cause resentment and end in disaster. They cause more of a fight, one that neither of you will win. So instead of giving your partner a "This or That" option, maybe try sitting down and writing out a list of compromises. This is something SR and I have had to learn over the years. Compromise, it's not always easy but it's better to work out together then giving one person all the power to make a potential life altering decision. 

2. Don't Walk Out, but if You do, Bring home a Milkshake.
Yup, I said it. Bring home a milkshake. Or a starbucks. So I used to suck at fights, at the beginning of our relationship. I used to slam doors, grab my car keys, and leave. Recommendation: Don't do that. It's best to hunker down, stay in the house, and let your Husband/Wife know that you are angry but you are committed to staying. I left the house maybe twice and SR left once. But each time we'd call the other within 5 minute time and ask each other what kind of milkshake the other wanted. And as soon as we walked back through the door the other was there to great us with a kiss and "I'm Sorry." - After some time we learned that leaving wasn't the best option and if we wanted our relationship to last we'd have to learn to stay hunkered down in the house and deal with it. Even if that means you are eating dinner in silence while watching Forensic Files. Just remember: Never go to Bed Angry & Always Kiss each other Good Night. 

3. Don't Bring a past argument into a recent one.
I'll be honest with you, sometimes I slip and I do this. But then I will see the look on SR's face and I'll realize what I just did. And I will feel horrible about it. But We have learned that the past is the past, and some things should just stay there. We can't move on and be happy if we are constantly bringing past flaws and mistakes into the present. It's Toxic. If it doesn't have anything to do with your current argument, don't bring it up. It's not important. If you buried it years ago, it should stay where you left it. 

4. Hug it Out. 
Remember growing up and being told to "Hug it Out" with your siblings after a fight? That was the worst for me. The last thing I wanted to do was hug my sister after we got in a fight, but surprisingly, hugging it out worked. So I think the same thing when it comes to marriage. There are some days where I'm just down and out, and when I am in a bad mood or when SR is in a bad mood, the other knows about it. I always tell SR to watch his attitude because of how he says things when he is moody. But when he gets home from work the first thing I do is want a hug. Hugs make everything better. Saying I LOVE YOU is nice, but actually feeling an intimate touch of your loved one makes everything better. 

5. Always Say "Thank You"
SR is probably to sick of me having manners by now. I am constantly telling him "Thank You," for all the things he does for me and for us. I think I say Thank You about as much as I say I Love You....Which I say "I Love You" every 30 seconds. I think it's important to tell your significant other "Thank You," so they know how much you appreciate them and what they do. It's nice to know you're appreciated. 

6. Laugh Together.
This is one thing our marriage has never been short of - Laughter. You gotta laugh and have a humor together. Like last night, SR and I were chasing our pup around the house before bed and we couldn't stop laughing. It was so small and so silly but we found it hilarious. Laughing with my SR is my favorite thing to do. There is nothing like his little boyish laugh to make me smile. 

7. Be Best Friends. 
SR and I were friends for a little while before our relationship. And one of my favorite things about it was our ability to sit and talk for hours, most night it was until the sun came up. Over time I realized how much fun we had together and how he was my Best Friend. The first person I went to when I had something cool to share and the first person I wanted to call when something bad had happened. I think the key to a successful, long lasting marriage is to always be Best Friends first. Go do things together, talk about everything as you would to your buddies, laugh, make memories, make traditions, find things to do that remind you how much you love spending time with that person. I always say, "Husband and Wife, Best Friends For Life." 

Here is to Us, My SR, I can't wait to spend another 7 Years buying you milkshakes and chasing the dog around the house until one of us laughs ourselves into a coughing fit. I Love You Speedracer!!




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