Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Living Life: What's my Age Again?

"You're 18, Aren't You?" -- I was asked such a simple question. 

And of course me being me I answered with a smile, a little giggle, and a hair flip. Followed by "Girl, Yes! Of course I'm 18." We both laughed before I said, "No, I'm 27." The conversation then led to the good genes I came from because none of the women in my family look their age. I also told (her) that everyone has always thought I was younger then I am; During Cosmetology School everyone swore I was 19. Nope, Still closer to 30 then 20 my friends. (She) laughed and said "Oh but you're still a baby.."

And so this got me thinking back to nearly 10 years ago when I was 18, freshly out of high school just 1 week prior to my birthday. And I didn't want to grow up. Now, I don't remember much of being 18 because if we are being honest, that was the most pointless age and year of my life. Nothing cool happened, I started college. That's about it. But I do remember thinking that this is the part when life begins to pick up speed and I was scared shitless. But regardless, at 18 I vaguely remember the days of driving around in my silver Nissan Sentra named Bo wondering about the next few years of my life. And I didn't want to grow up. I was afraid of time. I was afraid of aging because I liked the feeling of comfort. Comfort in my bedroom, at home, same friends, knowing all the certainties of what chapter of life I was in at that exact moment in time. And then night would come and I'd be in my room, drinking white peach tea while listening to Debussy while creating blog posts about my dream house, my dream job, where I hope to live, the demand of being married by 23 because that's the age my mom was when her and dad got married...and all the things I'd wish to have when the time came and I was forced to leave the confines of my bedroom. But everyone told me to not grow up fast followed by the horror stories of becoming an adult. 

And then 19 came and it was complicated. 20 followed and suddenly I saw life bursting in every which way that I didn't even know what possible. Old friends had moved away, some already engaged to the person they've found to share life with, some getting ready to graduate college within a years time..Life flying by but it had only been 2 years since we had all left the blue gates of our comfort zone. and then I met Speedracer. Freshly 20. Still driving Bo around, still listening to Debussy, still making plans about the future. But life was different. I suddenly wasn't afraid of the next day and I wasn't afraid of turning the next page and beginning the next chapter. so 21 came and it was the hardest year of my life. and then 22 happened and I had the most beautiful diamond ring on my finger. Right then in there, in a garage surrounded by our favorite people, at midnight, life before we knew had begun in a new way I hadn't planned out those many years before. So I threw out the ideas and I threw out the plans. and there I was, at 23, wearing white as my first love walked me down the isle to the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. Once again, there was Life. 

So there I was making plans again but this time with someone else. Kids, a home, our jobs, where we'd love to travel, and all the other crazy adventures you come up with when you're married. Speed up  almost 4 years, and I'm 27. We don't own a house, We have the craziest little fur baby, we both have careers, and yes, maybe that's all we currently have...but it's ours. It's what we have built the last 3.5 years married and nearly 7 years together. We have plans of owning a house, we have (hopefully soon) childrens' names picked out, and we have different opinions on where we should live. Bo is gone, I still listen to Debussy, and what's a Plan without a little drama? But here is the thing: I love being 27. I know, I was shocked too when I realized it. This adult thing, well, yes it sucks sometimes and it can be really unfair. But it's not too shabby in the grand scheme of things. And I didn't realize it until recently. When I was sitting on the couch, which is our first piece of furniture we ever bought, #adulting , and my sweet smiling husband walked out of our bedroom and said " I love our home. It's taken a while to get it how we want it, but I like it." I was honestly shocked because SR usually doesn't randomly say things like that. I'm usually that stressed out, insecure, dramatic Wife who constantly asks him if he still likes me after all these years. But he said it, all by himself. I smiled and said "we still have a lot of work to do...but I like it too." It may take another 7 years but I'm not so afraid of time anymore and I'd only be 34.  

Are there times when I wish Life would slow down? Heck Yes. It's under 2 weeks until 2018 and I'm wondering how that happened. That means I'm coming up on my 10 year High School Reunion. Wasn't I just 18? Which reminds me....

"You're 18, Aren't You?"

Nope. I'm 27. And it's pretty freaking awesome!

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