Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Celebrate the Small Successes + A Video

I'm not the one to proclaim "Look what I can do," in hopes of gathering a crowd. When I achieve something it takes me days, even weeks, to bring my achievement up in conversation. I rarely say I'm proud of myself. If someone asks "Well, what are you good at?" And if I speak honestly I say "Nothing." But apparently that's not the correct answer. So my new answer is, Sleeping. I'm GREAT at sleeping. What a Talent!!

When I decided that 2016 was going to be The Year of Fearless I knew that I'd have to work every single day to hold myself accountable for doing something every day, even if it's for 5 minutes, that takes me out of my comfort zone. Having anxiety hasn't made this goal easy but I'm working on it every day. Opening up a fresh page of my blog and typing these words to you are simple. It's not even a task that I have to think about. You can't see me, You can't hear me, and therefore I'm comfortable being vulnerable. And that's why I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone of hiding being the keyboard.

I sat down and made my first makeup tutorial in over 5 years without deleting the footage right after. I spent a few days editing, doing voice overs, and praying to God that this wasn't a mistake. Speedracer and a good friend continuously pestered me for the last few days wondering when I would post the video. The 2 friends who knew of this fearless endeavor were cheering me on saying "Do it, Ash. Just post it." And yet, I couldn't bring myself to push publish. But then, around 5pm last night - I found myself pushing that 7 letter, terrifying word.....Your Video is now live. GULP!

And then I cried. I almost threw up. I called text SR something like "OMG...MY VIDEO IS LIVE, I'm going to throw up everywhere"....and then I danced in my living room and cried some more. 10-15 minutes later I got notifications ringing in on my phone. Likes, Comments, Subscribers. Friends and Family were texting me "I JUST WATCHED. YOU ARE AMAZING"  And that's when I realized.....I just did my first FEARLESS task of the 2016. 

I may not be in the running for a Golden Globe with this video, But I'm proud of myself. It's about celebrating even the smallest successes. It's about remembering to celebrate yourself every now and then. And maybe even throw up because you're so nervous. No? Oh, okay just me then...


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