Wednesday, October 28, 2015

God's Pen, My Story

Lately I have felt deflated. Yes, Deflated. I have been racking my brain around my current state trying to figure out a word to describe how I'm feeling and I finally came up with - Deflated. At first I thought it was my anxiety driven depression just getting the best of me but I realized it wasn't the main source of my feelings. Of course, this feeling of being deflated hasn't helped with my anxiety and it's caused me to crawl back into bed every day around 1pm and just lay there for 2 hours, but it wasn't the main source.

At the ripe age of 25, I've realized that we are always looking for that finish line, that part of the race when we can finally stop running and relax. I know this can't just be me either, I think we all do this at one point in our lives. Lately I've felt uneasy like this race is never going to end, like I will never see that finish line. I'm stuck in the between of "Okay, I can either further my education and go back to school for another 2 years at least, or I can switch routes and go for that job I always wanted, but that means I'd have to go to school for a year and pull out a loan to pay for it." And instead of making the decision, I crawl into bed and sleep. At 25, I have no idea what I want to do in my life and while everyone is telling me to hurry up and get it figured out...I'm getting the urge to wait...God is telling me to wait. I'm not sure exactly what I'm waiting for and frankly it's getting frusterating, but, I wait.

Because of my current state of feeling deflated, due to my lack of not knowing where the heck my life is going and when this move to our new home is supposed to take place, I thought I would share with you a few things in my life that I am HAPPY about. I think it would be lovely to remind myself of things I should be happy that I have and thankful that God has put these in my life already.

My Beautiful Parents:

My Wonderful, Speedracing Husband:

My Bride-to-Be of a Older Sister:

Education I've already Received: 

The Ability to go on Adventures:

The Best Friends in the World:

The Lord, My King:

Having the Talent to Write and Create:
Fun Fact: I was writing my vows the morning of our wedding

So as you can see, even though lately I haven't felt like myself and I've been deflated. I truly do have so many things to be happy about. I truly have been blessed thus far in my life and i truly believe that God isn't done with me yet. As a writer I think it's important for us to give our pens over to God and remind ourselves that our lives aren't our stories to write but rather God's story to write and it's our job to live it out, to show what God has written for us. I'm not too sure what I'm worried about, great writers take years, even decades to write their stories. I have time. God isn't done writing for me yet.


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