Thursday, September 10, 2015

Getting Married: "Are You Sure?"

"You sure you want to have an ol' ball n chain for the rest of your life?" - This was the question a twenty-something had for his friend while the 2 other buddies of his laughed and had commentary like "This is your last chance to run" and "Better you than me" and all the while in the midst of drinking my pumpkin chai I am thinking to myself God, I hope this guy doesn't ask these idiots to be his Groomsmen!! 

When Speedracer and I got engaged, we only had 1 encounter with someone saying something negative about us getting married. It was not even 5 minutes after we got engaged and it wasn't even to our faces. It was the fact that at the ages of 23 and 24, we were seen as "too young" by someone who was 20 years older than us and has never been married. And so, I brushed it off. We are very fortunate that everyone supported us in getting married and that nobody ever asked my Speedracer those close-minded, negative questions about "Are you Sure?" and "You still have a chance to run." But after being married for the last 1yr & 5 months, I get the joke every now and then:

"What do you think, Boss?" 
"What does the ol' ball n chain have to say?" 
"Is Speedracer allowed to...."
"Oh, You're still in the honeymoon stage. It will change!"

And I just laugh it off but with a look in my eye that tells the person you don't want to go there with me sir because trust me, you will not get out alive on this one!

Getting Married is not a negative undertaking. Just because you don't find the urge to spend the rest of your life with someone right at this moment, doesn't mean another person feels the same way. So when you ask someone questions like the ones above, like if they are sure, ready, and you're telling them they still have the chance to "run," you are essentially telling them that you don't support their want to be happy. You are telling them you don't support the beauty of being in Love.  Here is a little secret, that's not really a secret, When, most, couples get engaged they have already had some type of conversation about marriage; so of course they are sure they want to make this life changing decision. Getting married is not an act of desperation of not wanting to be alone for the rest of your life. Getting married is not an act of something to do because it's "the next step." Getting married is not an act of doing what everyone else is doing. Getting married is not an act of getting married because it's "the right thing to do." Getting married is not the end of the world. It is not an act of losing your personal freedom. It is not an act of being "stuck" with one person for the rest of your life. Getting Married is not a negative undertaking.

No, we don't think you should get Married because we are. You'll find that those of us who have made the decision to get married aren't out to convert you into believing that you should get married too. If you don't want to get married, Don't get married. We had many friends whom were married when we were still just dating and not once did we ever hear "You should get Married." Married Couples don't have some hidden agenda to get people to believe that Marriage is a good idea. It really is all about what you feel is right for you. So if you think not getting married is ideal for you, go for it, but don't shoot down the excitement of your friend who just announced they are engaged! You're not making a valid point, you're being a negative nellie.

"Ball n Chain" is not a thing! Stop addressing someone's Wife/Husband as one. Because honestly, if I hear that statement one more time in reference to someones significant other I will snap. A "Ball n Chain" dates back to as early as 1800 and alludes to a heavy concrete ball being changed to a prisoners leg so they are unable to escape. It's a burden and a restraint. Being Married does not mean you are being imprisoned. It isn't a burden.

"The Boss" is also not a thing. There is no higher authority in Marriage. Once again, there is not a prisoner or guard involved. Just two people, who love each other and who are building a life as a TEAM. I am a firm believer in, if you "Have to ask the Boss," if you're able to do something then you really need to work on your communication skills. One person in your Marriage shouldn't be the ultimate decision maker. There should be a conversation about said question in which both people discuss what they would like to do. I am not the Boss. Speedracer is not the Boss. We are a Team. There is no "I," "Husband," "Wife," or "Boss" in Team. I'm just saying'

Yes, We know that there are more people in the world. People often think that when two people get married (especially at a young age) that they are settling because they are in love at this very moment and don't see themselves finding anyone else. But that is false, all false. I like to think of us as "Lucky," because out of all the people in the world, we were lucky enough to find the one that was rightfully made for US. We just know that is how it is, no need to question us and make sure we are making the right decision. We found the one whom we know was created just for us. Why would we want to risk losing them by passing them by and searching for someone else? People who have never felt this "the one" concept will never understand the concept. It's like that "But HOW do you KNOW?"....Simple: We just do. and that's enough for us.

"This is it." What is it? I'm confused on this one. Are you telling me my life is over and this is all my life will ever be? Am I going to die because I'm getting married?  I have always wanted to ask someone these questions in reference to "This is it!" I mean what does that really mean anyways? The way I see it is, My Life isn't over because I married my Speedracer. My Life is just getting started. The next chapter in my story is just beginning but this time I have a super fun partner in crime. People have this idea that once you get married everything that was once "Fun" is now all over and all we have to do is sit at home and be a boring, old married couple. But that's not the case at all. We literally have someone who can go on adventures with us, laugh with us, make memories with. Being Married is Fun. It's supposed to be an adventure. Life doesn't end when you say "I Do," it begins.

Other Reads on Marriage.


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