Thursday, June 19, 2014

I am Fearless.

Liz @ Fitness Blondie

The lovely and amazing inspirational Liz @ Fitness Blondie began an on-going linkup 
today about being Fearless. she started a journey of her own to changing her life and 
getting healthy. This girl is seriously wicked awesome, inspirational, and has some killer
tips and tricks (and recipes) about getting healthy, losing weight, and having fun doing it!

I've been sitting on this topic for days not knowing what I would write about, not knowing
how I have been fearless in my life. I've been living with 2 congenital heart defects since I 
was born which is pretty fearless. I gave up my fear of relationships and dove into one at
the age of 20 which was pretty fearless. He is my husband now so taking that fearless plunge
was the best move I've ever made. Being fearless definitely has it's perks. But, as I was 
thinking about what to write about, I realized something, I've been on a journey for the last
2-3 years of my life. It hasn't been to "find myself" by it's been to BE myself. like I once
was along time ago. I lost sight of it for a while but now that fearlessness is back. And it 
hasn't been easy. 

You see, my life has been a huge jumble of trying to be myself in a world that is telling me
that I have to be a certain way. Skinny, tan, blonde, blue eyes, rich, flawless. But let's be
honest here, a lot of us will never be any of those things. And that's perfectly okay with me. 
I was that new kid in school at the age of 6 that had a weird scar down the middle of her chest
and back, her lips turned blue when she was cold, and she stuttered. I couldn't run fast and play
with the kids like I wanted to because I would get really winded. Making friends was hard.
I was that girl in middle school that went through the phases of being preppy, gothic, punk, 
simply weird and wore pajamas, and I was constantly changing my appearance and attitude. I
just wanted to be accepted because I wasn't in elementary school. In the 8th grade I slowly 
came out of my shell and did what I wanted to do and didn't give a damn what people said
about it. I got to high school and decided I didn't want to be anything or anyone except for 
Ashlee Michelle. 

Ashlee Michelle is that girl who has heart disease, she's a cheerleader, a gymnast, a choir geek, 
and a theatre nerd. She wears pink and curls her hair, she wears black and smudgy eye shadow.
She hangs out with the jocks and spends her weekends with her theatre friends. She kept to her
self but loved the chance to be the center of attention. She had long blonde hair and short blue 
hair. She was FEARLESS. and Undefined. That's who she was all through high school and 
was unapologetic about it. And then, she graduated. and was sent out into the world to figure
things out. You know, adult life things. Her hair was bright red, blue, green, and jet black. 
She gained a little bit of weight and was completely awkward. She became a hermit. And 
closed herself off from the world, with the exception of a small circle of friends. She was
depressed. And then, she met HIM. The man that would change her life and one day become 
her Husband. April 19th, 2014 to be exact. And he reminded her that it was okay to be who 
she was. A weirdo who was really, really awesome!

I have always had a determination, a stubborn head, and passion about me. I have worked hard 
throughout my life to be the person who I am today. I've never been one to let anyone tell me
who I am or what I am about. I don't let people tell other people that either. I've definitely been 
an advocate standing up against bullying my whole life. Physical and Verbal bullying. I'm not
for it. And I don't believe people should bully someone simply because they don't like who 
that person is physically or where they are in their lives mentally. We are all just trying to get by.
And by being MYSELF, Ashlee Michelle, the girl with the ever-changing styles. I like to think
that I am being Fearless and sticking it to the bullies! The ones who are telling me I'm wrong.

It wasn't as bad in high school as it is now. I wish they would of told us that adults are more
ruthless and cruel as kids are. Because now we are faced with who lost weight and kept it off,
who got that great high paying job, who lives in a house or apartment, who has a wonderful
marriage and kids vs who is still alone. My whole life I have heard my parents use the term
"Keeping up with the Jones" because we have known some people whom, for whatever
reason were in constant competition with my parents. My parents are just 2 simple, yet hard
working people that came from a small town near Sacramento, CA. They have never tried to 
be better then anybody. They are the ones whom have taught me to be myself and do my own 
thing. And once I became an adult, not like 18, but like a real adult with responsibilities like bills, 
filling up my own gas, buy my own groceries, going to work, getting married. I have seen 
what my parents meant by "Keeping up with the Jones." There is always going to be someone 
out there who is judging your life and trying to be one step ahead of you. I don't see the point
in this. I don't see the point in competition. I wish we could all do our own thing without being
in worry about anyone else's life. And when we see others doing good and doing cool things. 
I wish we could congratulate them and talk good about their accomplishments - without turning
around and rolling our eyes and spitting negativity. 

I'm 24 years old. And I'm focusing on being Ashlee Michelle, being happy, being healthy, and
being a Wife to my darling Husband. I still have heart disease, I still wear pink and black,
my hair is purple, I love sports and drinking beer, I love theatre and cheerleading. I'm a Prep.
I'm a Goth. I'm a Rocker. I'm a Pin Up. I'm a Wife. I'm a Friend. I'm a Daughter. but most importantly. I am Me. and I don't feel bad about it one bit.

I AM FEARLESS.

What have you done to be fearless in your life? 
How are you going to be Fearless?

2 comments:

  1. Our stories are so similar Ashlee. You are so beautiful with a unique and AWESOME sense of style. I am glad you are not the "norm" because you set a brand new standard of beauty, class, and drive. You are what gives girls who are "different" hope. I could have used a friend like you in high school, to know it was OK to not "fit into the mold".

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    Replies
    1. Aww! Thank you so much Liz for your kind words and your kind heart. I think our similarities make us the friends that we are. Even if it's just through a computer. I definitely could have used a friend like you in high school too, hell, I could use a friend like you now. It's so rare to find someone whom actually GETS YOU. I mean, my Husband knows me to a freaking T, but I think it's a different type of "gets me" then when it's a girl friend. You know?

      I have always been this way, I'm not ever sure what brought me to this way of thinking or doing, but I'm definitely glad I grew up knowing it was okay to be different; being born with heart disease I guess I wasn't really given the choice either, but my personality has just always been this way even when people try daily to alter my way of thinking. I know who I am and What I am about so there is no need to sink down to the level of those whom have a problem with it! Right?

      Even this past week I had to deal with 2 girls, both ex-best friends of mine, (and 1 was a bridesmaid in my wedding, but that story is for another day) talking about me for the billionth time with a load of dirty looks. pshhh!! whatever friends, whatever! haha

      Hope your weekend was eventful, Lord knows mine was!

      -ashlee michelle

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