Monday, December 10, 2018

Anxiety, I know how you feel.


Anxiety, I know how you feel. We are no strangers, You and I. 

You're a heavy feeling, Anxiety. Like a bag of bricks, you can never set down. Instead, you are forced to push on down the road before you; all the while moving slowly so your aching bones don't turn to dust. 

Bones; aching so deeply that your skin doesn't even feel like a shield and your organs are holding on tightly to the oxygen surrounding them just in case you need to gasp for air - and you'll need to gasp for air. It's like climbing out of bed on a cold winters morning, frozen. You feel every corner of your body twisting and turning until you can't move. Are you cold? or just hurting? Both. Like falling through frozen ice into a lake of swords just crippling every nerve and cell until you're breathless. 

Breathless. Is that oxygen still there in your lungs? Your brain has now gone stale. You have no more control of your body and thus your thoughts. 

Thoughts. Anxiety has many thoughts. Your organs are failing, you have cancer, you're going to die of natural causes. You won't live to see your next birthday or ever achieve your dreams. Just a few of the many thoughts anxiety hands to you like a gift on Christmas morning. 

Morning. You are just waiting for the next day to come, praying that it won't be hard like this one. All you want to do is sleep in hopes that you'll get some peace and quiet. 

Quiet. Anxiety doesn't like quiet. Instead, she yells like a train whistle flying by at night rattling your bed and making her presence known like the monster hiding amongst the shadows of your darkened room. And while she yells, you yell back just crying for a moment to catch your breath.

Breath. You catch it. That oxygen is still there in your lungs. You wouldn't have made it this far if it was gone. You close your eyes, inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8. You listen to the sound of your breath and you feel your chest rising and falling with every move. 

Move. Keep moving forward. I know you are tired and feel as if there is no energy left in your body.

Body. It is yours, you own it. No person or thing, such as anxiety, and control your body but you. 

You. You can do this Brave Warrior. Keep Going. The road appears so dampened and long like you will never make it to the other side because your legs are getting tired and your back is starting to ache. But you are so much closer then you were yesterday and the weight will begin to not feel as heavy; you are getting stronger.

Stronger. With every single day you wake up, you are getting stronger and that bag of bricks gets easier to carry. Not every day will be easy and not every night will be full of rest. But, there you are getting stronger. The pressure is being lifted off your shoulders and your once shaken bones are transforming back into the structure of your being. 

Being. Present, Existence, Life, Reality. Be. The essence of a Person. Here you are, surviving, here you are living. Here you are Being. Here you are Feeling. 

Feeling. Anxiety, I know how you feel. We are no strangers, You and I. 

I. Hello Ashlee, Nice to see you. 

Instagram: @ash_felkner || Twitter: @ashleefelkner

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Full Moon in Gemini (Sagittarius Sun)

Happy Thanksgiving, Full Moon!
Our Gemini Full Moon will be exact at 9:39pm PST tonight - 12:39am for those on the East Coast. Her energy will run through Saturday, so this gives us 2 1/2 Days to connect with her vibration as we do any clearing, releasing, and various rituals. 

We also welcome in Sagittarius Season today, in which our Sun has moved into the zodiac of Sagittarius for the next month. November 22nd - December 21st. 

A Full Moon occurs when our sun and moon are in opposition or polarity. The Full Moon brings an abundance of energy and heightens our emotional senses. At the peak of the lunar cycle, the full moon brings mystery into our vibration and we get a taste of her magical workings. The Full Moon is an expansion of all things. She amplifies all surrounding energies, workings, emotions, and takes them to an even higher element. Since our emotional body is heightened, the full moon gives us the opportunity to be more aware, more connected.  We must learn to become more present in our energies to truly understand how we can raise our vibrations and shift our energy in any direction that we choose. If we haven't been acknowledging an emotion, the full moon will take over our subconscious and bring all suppressed feelings to the surface. This isn't to harm us, this is so we can release and let go of any pain, anger, and tension that no longer serves us or creates happiness. After we let go of whatever has been holding us back, we are able to forgive and find gratitude. The Full Moon is the perfect time for such. When we forgive our letdowns, we are also able to find gratitude in them. By doing so, we are acknowledging that we've now made room for positive vibration and anything we've been trying to manifest into our lives. 

Our Full Moon falls in the 3rd zodiac sign of, Gemini: Our Twins. Our twins are always working in tandem to get to the bottom of the worlds biggest mysteries. Gemini is known as the Talker - She rules our 3rd house, the house of Communication. Gemini is in a constant quest of self-expression, discovering the missing piece, uncovering the mysteries, and gathering information. Gemini, always curious, even a bit mischevious in her ways to find out her information. As much as Gemini loves to talk, you can also find her sitting in the background observing. Gemini gathers all information before she speaks or forms an opinion. Embrace Gemini's Energy this Full Moon by being open-minded to all the possibilities. This Full Moon in Gemini can be confusing, but that's okay. Being open and receptive will help us grow and raise our vibrations. The Bright side of a Gemini Moon is we are more versatile, witty, and amusing. Gemini is a fast learner, her energy is quick and she makes her shifts in rapid speed. 

As much as the Energy is High on a Full Moon, there is always a dark side, a low vibrational side. The dark side of a Gemini Moon is she can be manipulative. She is quick to be defensive, especially with what she's passionate about. Gemini can be set in her ways, she defends her ideas, energies, and realities with no sight to see another's point of view. Be aware of these feelings. Use this moon to release any negative energies that are keeping you from having a two-way conversation with someone. Our Energy might feel stuck or stale around certain people or situations. Connect with the communication side of Gemini and open the dialog with yourself and the people around you so that you are able to release any stagnation in your vocabulary. 

How to Navigate through a Gemini Moon X Sagittarius Sun?

The best part of a Full Moon is the opportunity we get to work with the center line of both our moon and sun. Gemini looks at the fine details while Sagittarius looks at the bigger picture. Remember, they are polar opposites. Gemini rules our solar 3rd House of Communication while Sagittarius rules are the solar 9th house of truth and knowledge. Together, they create a very powerful mind. The low side(s) of these polarities is the way they view the world. Gemini has a "this, that, OR the other" mentality; while Sagittarius brings this, that, AND the other together to create something larger. Gemini basis her knowledge off of facts while Sagittarius is more open-minded to gaining knowledge from every angle knowing there isn't only one solution. 

With our Gemini Moon X Sagittarius Sun, we can learn how to acknowledge the high and low sides of each zodiac. We can learn to be more open-minded to endless possibilities like Sagittarius while we still remain focused on what is in front of us at this moment like a Gemini. Gemini and Sagittarius will pull at each other the next few days - release that tension. Feel into any intensity, tension, and emotions that come up over this Full Moon. The Full Moon is the best time to release whatever doesn't make you feel good - people, places, materialistic items, emotions, body pain. ETC. Just remember that under this moon all of those issues will be heightened.

We also have Jupiter in our Sagittarius. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. We will feel the high vibrations through our joyful planet of luck and expansion. Jupiter will be opposing the moon and forcing us to tackle suppressed issues surrounding our growth. We will be asked what is blocking our growth and expansion. This will be a difficult task, but don't be afraid of this release. You are making room for Jupiter to bring you something new. If you feel as if you can't communicate what is a blocker of yours or what your feelings are - that's Mercury. Mercury is our planet of communication but is in retrograde currently. Any communication exchange will be difficult and could be painful emotionally. Breathe! Retrogrades aren't here to mess you up, but rather help you create the change you've been asking for and the change you need. Take a deep breath and take your time - with any conversations you may have over the next few days. This goes for inner dialogue and self-conversation as well. 

By the end of the Gemini Full Moon, we may feel exhausted. That's okay. Remember after a few intense days in Gemini, we will go into the moon of Cancer. The Gentle, Homely Crab. and we will be able to rest our mind, body, and spirits after all the work we put in on the Full Moon. Do not be afraid of what Gemini X Sagittarius has to teach you. Ask their energies, both high and low, to help you create ways to release. Communicate and be Truthful. Dig deep and walk gently. Focus your energy on what you want to attract next. Look back at your intentions you set on the New Moon and see what you want to release or what you want to focus on bringing more to your life. Meditate. and Give Thanks! We've Got This! Happy Full Moon!

Love Yourself and Love other People

Twitter: @ashleefelkner || Instagram: @ash_felkner

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Welcoming Sagittarius Season

Happy Birthday, Dear Sagittarius!
(November 22 - December 21) 

We say goodbye to our Feminine Fixed Water sign of Scorpio; where we focused on pulling out our inner warrior to dive into the unknown without fear. We now welcome the Masculine Mutable Fire sign of Sagittarius

Masculine (Duality) is direct and energetic. 
Fire (Triplicities) is Active and Enthusiastic.
Mutable (Quadruplicities) is flexible, versitle, and adaptable. 

Our 9th Zodiac Sign, Sagittarius, is symbolized by The Archer, but not just a simple archer, Sagittarius is a centaur. A Centaur is a mythological creature who is half man and half horse. SAG is the only astrological sign to have both human and animal representation. Our Archer is energetic, ambitious, freedom-loving, and the seeker of a challenge. He likes to use his arrow to aim high and chase outdoor activity/adventure. 

Many astrologers look at Sagittarius as a Gypsy, one who loves to travel. His worldly energy, curiosity, and wanderlust enthusiasm bring us a new sense of wonder in our own lives. He has a naturally cheerful, hopeful disposition which reminds us to look at the positive side of our lives. While in the season of Sagittarius, we may feel more comfortable in our energy as we bring in new hopes, knowledge, and perspectives. We can always learn from Sagittarius' outlook on life. They always look for the bright side of any situation. The Silver lining if you will; even in the face of adversity. 

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter ♃ ,  the planet of good luck, good fortune, success, abundance, and expansion. Sagittarius is known as the zodiac of Luck. With everything, Sagittarius always seems to be in the right place at the right time. In work, friendships, relationships, and money - the correct door always seem to open up when you need it. Jupiter's position in your chart will indicate how outgoing you are in the aspect of attracting money and possessions or where you'll have the best luck job wise. Jupiter is known as the Greater Fortune, after all. Be warned of Jupiter's Shadow Side though, he is a sign of " Giveth and Taketh away " and can take away all you have as quickly as he can give it to you. Although the planet of joy and expansion, if you are not careful (or grateful) Jupiter can expand in negative ways. Be careful with your thoughts, words, and actions. IE. If you are asking for money - do your part and work hard (You will be rewarded) VS If you are asking for money and complaining you don't have the money or not putting in the work (you won't receive money and you'll lose what you have). Jupiter wants to know that you are grateful, So be grateful. 

Sagittarius is the Ruler of our 9th House: the house of Mental Exploration and Long Distance Travel. The 9th house is an expansion of study, travel, and widening the mental state. Also known as the house of the higher mind. This house rules higher education, philosophy, and a deeper study of things. Sagittarius is eager to learn and digest all the knowledge he can. He "aims" for a better understanding of truth, evolution, and the unknown. Travel is also controlled by the 9th House. Remember, SAG is a Gypsy in his own. Foreign Travel is of big interest as learning about new language, cultural differences are important to a Sagittarius. He craves better knowledge and acceptance out of his own personal self. (Language, Culture, and Delicacies). Sagittarius encourages us to get out and try new things during his season. Travel somewhere new, try new, cultural foods, study a different language, or take up a new hobby. Expand your mind and allow new experiences. 

During the season of Sagittarius, breathe into your curiosity. This is the time for NEW, which is perfect as we will meet up with our Sagittarius New Moon on December 6th. (Post to Come!) Sagittarius leans into his calling, his divine purpose. He aims for the highest experiences and follows his arrow wherever it goes. However, be aware of the direction you "release" in - Sagittarius, when not in focus, has a " Ready and Fire " instead of a "Ready, Aim, Fire" mental state. SAG is subject to fire and explosion when not careful.

Sagittarius Season being towards the end of the Year brings us infinite Possibilities. We see life how we WANT it to be, not as it is. This is a great trait to have so we can expand and manifest what we wish to call in. The possibilities are unlimited for Sagittarius.  Open your Mind to receiving all you've been asking for. Take charge and speak your deepest desires into reality. Travel, Learn, Grow, and Explore for the next month. There is no time to start then Now, and that is what Sagittarius is here to teach us. 

Twitter: @ashleefelkner || Instagram: @ash_felkner

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

How To: Support Your Spouses Growth

I met my husband shortly after my 20th birthday. At a time where I was undeniably socially awkward towards the opposite sex and was trying to now navigate my way through the beginning of my twenties.

Twenty is a weird age, you've been legally an adult for 2 years now and yet you're not legal to drink alcohol. Twenty is when you are in college still deciding on your major and in limbo on what you want to do for the rest of your life. Twenty is seeing all your friends in relationships either with the same person they were dating in high school or with someone new they met in college. And then there you are, single, crying in your bedroom while reading twilight and wondering if an "Edward Cullen" really does exist. He doesn't by the way. Twenty is uncomfortable. Twenty is that Britney Spears song, you know, that one where she says "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman." - That one! 

My Husband is only one year older than me. But when we met, I felt like he had lived so much more life than I had. Let me state here that it took a solid 2 months for me to even speak in a full sentence to him. I was like that girl in those movies who would day-dream stare at their crush while unknowingly blocking his locker, and when the boy says "Excuse Me, Can you move?" the girl's reply doesn't even make sense at the moment, like "Thank You" - I was that girl. Awkward with poor communication skills. But there was my husband - friends with everyone, outgoing, talkative, confident. I was honestly confused why he kept interest in me when all I'd reply with is one or two words and never look him in the eye. But, 8 years later, here we are. Even when people said we were too different and too young. 

Over the years my darling husband has remained the same: Cool, calm, outgoing, driven and focused. He has always known who he is as a person and has never cared what people think of him. He marches to the beat of his own drum, something that I had always tempted to do but was also terrified of. I lacked confidence in every aspect of my life. I had no idea who I was. Everything that I had dreamed of seemed like some impossible far off reality. I've always held myself and my future to very high standards. And because of this, I settled. I was just a church-going, theater nerd, who would rather spend the weekend at home with her parents than going out to socialize. And when I did socialize, I just followed in the suit of the others around me. But year after year, something would change. We would make friends, lose friends, go here, go there. And by seeing all the things I didn't want to be, I began to find myself in different ways. I began to find it easier to love the things I was into even if they were different. I slowly began to come out of the shell I was hiding in and did the things I love to do even when they weren't the "norm" in my group. And the best part of these constant new discoveries of who I am - My Husband. Standing by my side, cheering me on and loving every version of myself. 

Support Each Other.
My Husband told me one of his favorite things about my ever-changing self is that it keeps him on his toes. I am not boring by any means. He will never know what he is walking into but he gladly does it because he knows it's something important to me. Just as he does for me, I get to know the things he loves; even when I had no idea that Koby Bryant and LeBron James were two different people. 

Pro Tip: Support the things your significant other is into even when you're clueless about it. 

Give Each Other Space.
Sometimes I just want to curl up and quietly read a book or slip into a Hallmark Christmas movie coma - without anyone bothering me. And sometimes my husband wants to stay late at the shop to work on his racecar or brew beer with his dad. Allow each other to have space to do the things that make them happy. Even when you're married, you are allowed to have something to yourself. 

Pro Tip: You grow better together when you allow each other to grow alone. 

Let them talk about their passions.
I am clueless about cars and yet my husband is very knowledgeable. So most of the time when he is talking about racing and all its terminology I have a blank stare on my face. But, I began asking questions about what (this) part does and why (that) part is needed. Sometimes the answer is confusing but I ask anyway because I love hearing my husband talk about things he is passionate about. 

Pro Tip: Make sure you can talk about your passions too even when it's super silly. 

Get involved. 
If your husband loves to race, like mine, jump in the truck and go to the track with him. Get Involved. If your wife likes talking about the moon and writing intentions like I do, sit down and learn about the moon with her. (My Husband is the best!) You don't have to dive deep into their passions as a whole, but get involved in some way - this is a confirmation to your spouse that they can be who they are and do what they love with your complete backing! 

Pro Tip: Your Marriage will be WAY stronger when you show interest and participate in what your spouse cares about.

Love Each Other.
At the end of the day - Love each other. Regardless of any quirks, mishaps, loud personalities, ever-changing hobbies...Love Each other. Supporting each other through personal growth is going to strengthen your marriage. It's saying "I Love You even when." It is giving your loved one the space to be themselves while also being a wife/ husband/ mom/ dad. 

We don't need to lose ourselves when we get married. I truly believe I didn't find myself until I got married. And No, not because I "found myself in a man," but because I married someone who supported my want for growth.  My Husband is my biggest supporter when it comes to me exploring and discovering who I am, my interests, the dreams. He has created a space in our marriage that is safe and welcoming. We are allowed to be just who we are with no judgment or question. We grow alone and we grow together - just as it should be. When we are able to grow alone that is when we come and grow together, stronger in the best of ways. I'm forever grateful that I get to grow beside my husband. 

TWITTER: @ashleefelkner | INSTAGRAM: @ash_felkner